The Sick Mind of a Stalker

Being stalked can be paralyzingly frightening. Victims aren’t traumatized just once; they’re perpetually unsettled by attempts at contact and often begin to feel like there’s no safe place to go.

I get this personally. I moved back form Sydney and needed a place to bunk down until i found my own place. I found a place I thought was to be suitable, "yet it was presented as suitable", but oh how wrong was I. It was the beginning of a nightmare for quite a few years of stalking, death threats, both off line and online, from the ex flatmate stalker, sick obsessive alcoholic mind.

3 million people worldwide are stalked yearly and the effects it has on the victims is devastating, right to the point they are submitted into keeping it silent, why? because the majority of help out their think the victims are mad and stalking is not taken serious, this is one of the reasons why silence is the golden key for a stalker.

Well imagine if the sister was an ex CIB officer, then your reports of said incidents are just placed on file and nothing done, just a sheet of paper to be forgotten about, so this silences the victim even more. My personal experience, but it never stopped me form reporting every incident, even though they had decided in their minds it was all made up when it was not.

i have all the eventide that would stand up in court my lawyer said.

The mind of a stalker

Stalking is a pattern of Fixated, Obsessive, Unwanted and Repeated (FOUR) behaviors that cause serious alarm and distress and/or fear of violence.

It causes the survivor/victim to make changes to their daily life such as coming off social media, staying at home, changing routes or patterns when out, experiencing high levels of anxiety of depression, stopping work and putting extra security into their property – this list is not exhaustive. Stalking disproportionately affects women more than men However, men can also be victims of stalking.

There are two main types of stalkers – the most common is the “ex-intimate” partner. They will have been extremely controlling and jealous within the relationship, often using isolating tactics with the victim; when the victim separates from the controlling partner (or family member) this will be when the stalking starts.

In my case it was a complete and utterly sick individual that I trusted to what was presented to me as a good place to bunk down while I searched for my own place to move into. Oh how wrong was I.

Now imagine going out early one morning, 2 weeks after moving in, to pick up friends from the airport, spending the whole day with them and coming home to a message from the nut case flatmate, with him saying, the police are looking for you. My reply was, why? because you have been trying to stab me all day, I laughed and said,WOW I must have long arms, and I started to walk away thinking I am moving out of here in a few days, I am not living in such dysfunctions.

The phone rang and he said, that will be the police looking for you, so i answered and yet police comms instantly said, Are you OK? we are worried for you since you are living with that man, I said I am OK he is small fry, I can handle him. Then the Police comms women I was talking with said the police are on their way now and I will stay on the phone until they arrive. They arrived, we discussed that i had been out all day, and the officer went and talked to the nut case flatmate and the other one and I talked. He said I advice you to move out, i said would you stay, he said nope I said neither will I, tomorrow is my move out day even if it is to my car to live while I find a place, which is what happened for a week, thank god it was summer.

I found an amazing place just around from the police station, and within a few days I had moved in, I had my phone line made active and then the phone calls starting happening a week later, ring, ring, ring, deep breathing and then hang ups, all day and into the evening, over 20 times a day. Most days all except Wednesdays & Sundays, why? because that is the days, his DR brother and his Mother go over there to drink with the ex-nutcase flatmate.

They enable his behavior, because when I was packing my car up, "moving out the next day" his brother said to me, "Fuck with the bull and you get the horns" both him and my ex nut case flatmate favorite saying, I said nothing smiled and laughed and kept packing. Little did he know I had my mobile phone on record in my pocket and everything he, his brother and their mother said I have on file all recorded, let them try and say they did not say what they said.

That is just one nightmare of what his stalking games were, it ended up being nearly 7 years off line and online, right to the point that if I needed to go shopping i would go just before midnight when I knew he would be asleep. I learned to keep myself safe, The more he pushed the more I said, hell nope, I am in control of my life and you have no place in it and neither does any of your family.

I have moved out of the place I lived in for a few years, I have had my name legally changed and all of the documentations destroyed so no one can find me full stop, not even the police let alone any lawyer, there is no documentations anywhere full stop. It has given me peace of mind and peace free from his stalking.

I have had all the emails he hacked, deleted and now I have full VNP protection on my emails. I have placed a tracker on my website so all information is sent to me, "via my tracker" from people who go on my website, this is for my protection. if someone signs up I have a private investigator I pay to track down that person to see if they are legit and associated with whom i have been on contact with for my workshops, we dont take any sign ups on my website lightly at all.

I live in a safe house way out in the country in a friends holiday home that has full security. I am finally at peace away from his nut case stalking and working on moving back overseas fully away from him and everyone associated with him and his DR brother,

He has minions who would do anything for him and they did, I have a list of their names and everything they tried, and the police have everything on file also.

Some things to help you understand the mind of a stalker,

Stalkers use a variety of tactics to intimidate and control their targets, persistently making unwanted contact that continues obsessively with the aim to maintain control and power over their victims.

All stalkers lack social skills, and have had many a failed relationships, They don;t like rejections. And most stalkers have addictions of some sort, their victims, drug addictions and alcohol addictions.

What Does Stalking Really Mean?

The most concise definition of stalking comes from the Suzy Lamplugh Trust. Here, stalking is defined as ‘a pattern of fixated and obsessive behaviour which is repeated, persistent, intrusive and causes fear of violence or engenders alarm and distress in the victim’. Anyone could become a stalker if they were to become fixated on another person and take steps to force interaction against that person’s will. Anyone could be a victim of stalking, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity and sexuality.

• Stalking involving fear of violence

• Stalking involving serious alarm or distress.

What are Stalkers?

A more detailed identification comes from the Harassment Act 1997, which lists behaviors as associated with stalking. Stalkers might:

• Follow a person

• Contact, or attempt to contact, a person by any means

• Monitor a person’s use of the internet, email or any other form of electronic communication

• Leave unwanted gifts or notes

• Publish material relating to the victim

• Loiter in any place (public or private)

• Interfere with any property in the possession of a person

• Watch or spy on a person

The common behaviors of stalkers listed above need to be repeated and cause distress to be considered as stalking. Under current legislation, the pattern of behaviour must have a substantial adverse effect on the victim’s usual activities for charges to be brought. You may be able to prosecute for stalking if a repeated pattern of the above behaviors means you have had to:

• Change your route to work, work patterns or employment

• Arrange for someone else to pick your children up from school

• Put additional security measures in place at home

• Change the way you socialize or stop altogether.

Red Flags: Common Behaviors of Stalkers.

• Contacting you constantly... Calling you multiple times a day, texting repeatedly before you respond, or commenting on lots of your social media posts should be a warning sign. If it seems like they need your attention at all times, they aren’t caring about you. Likewise, if they are continually asking where you are or who you’re with, they aren’t respecting your privacy.

• Monitoring Your Activities.... While most of us share our days out on social media, we don’t expect to be quizzed by someone new about a photo with a friend. As with repeatedly asking your whereabouts, asking for too many details about what you’ve done in the past can be a sign of extreme control. This is a strong red flag, especially if they respond with judgemental or derogatory comments. Seek help from someone you trust.

• Showing up Unannounced...You have the right to a personal life. If someone repeatedly turns up unannounced to your plans, they may be trying to feature in all of your social interactions so that they can control you. Stalkers are even known to orchestrate events in which you need help. For example, they might steal your keys only to give them to you, saying they found them. This helps them feel like a hero, despite presenting a danger to you. If their efforts are unsuccessful for a long time, but they are not reported for an offense, stalkers might go to such lengths as filing petty lawsuits, just to manipulate you into interacting with them.

• How can I Stop a Stalker?... Say no. If someone’s behaviour is making you uncomfortable, the first thing to do is tell them once that their behaviour isn’t ok, and not to contact you again. Do not debate the issue with them. Warn them that if they continue, you will call the police. Because the law is not concrete, stalkers often take advantage of the ambiguity to pretend they don’t realize the impact of their behaviour. Like most abusers, stalkers can try to gaslight you, trying to make you believe your reaction is unreasonable or even crazy, to avoid being made to stop.

• Keep a record. Start a diary of behaviors as soon as you notice a red flag, noting time, date, details of what happened and how you felt. Keep any messages they send you, including social media comments and answerphone messages. Record what they say on phone calls. If you can, make a note of relevant vehicle registration numbers. It is important to note down the impact of the events on your feelings. This is because the law focuses on whether or not the actions caused you significant alarm, distress or fear of violence.

• Report Stalkers to the Police. Harassment and stalking are both illegal, so even if you’re unsure which the behaviour falls into, report it. If you report incidents to the police, include this in your personal record. Note down dates, times, the name of the person you spoke to and what they said, as well as what action you were told would be taken.

• Confide in people you trust. Tell your family, friends, neighbors and colleagues that you are being harassed. They can avoid giving your information to the stalker, keep their own record of suspicious incidents and help keep you safe. NEVER EVER BE SILENT , LET EVERYONE YOU KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING AND MORE SO THE POLICE every single incident, no matter how small you think it is, report it,

• Alert your phone provider. If you receive malicious calls,. Your mobile provider may also be able to help. Keep a record that you have done this so you can follow up if the issue continues. I did this for my landline and my mobile provider, and it always turned out to be him every-time, all on record.

• Act: If you think you are being followed. You can go to a shop or knock on a house and ask the residents to call the police.

• Contact the local Police Crime Prevention Unit to check your house out for free, to see whether it can be made safer. You may want to install stronger locks, window locks, and security lighting at back and front.

• Stalking and Harassment....You can call us 24/7 on 0800 842 846 a support worker will help you through how you are feeling and how to keep safe, they were amazing for me.

• Get a Private Investigator...If you feel you are being stalked, but aren’t yet ready to go to the police, a private investigator might be able to help. Private investigators are professionals who work for you, so they won’t push you to the bottom of a paperwork pile, or fob you off with a helpline. I reported and had no help at all until I got real shity when i felt I had been made to waste their time, when the police comms said sorry I need to answer real emergency not fake ones, boy oh boy did he get a mouth full form me, I was at my wits end with the nut cases stalking and I wanted something done about it once and for all.

• PI are trained in surveillance and bug sweeping. Private investigators may be able to help you gather evidence of the behaviour by discreetly monitoring places your stalker is likely to linger. Using photography and videography, they may be able to display the behaviour which is causing you distress, to help you understand the extent of the behaviour. Al evidence is time and date-stamped, and fully admissible in court.

• I had security move into my place as a flatmates, one worked day shift and one worked night sift so i always had a security officer living on sight which helped me feel safe. I also had a track and trace security officer I met who worked in with the poilice. If the police weren't going to help I was going to make darn sure I was protected. This is what you need to do also, never think it will just go away, because they don't .

YOUR SAFETY COMES FIRST OVER ANYONE AND YOU KNOW IT IS HAPPENING REPORT IT ALL THE TIME NO MATTER HOW SMALL,

IT HAS TO GO ON FILE. KEEP THE DATE YOU PHONED THE POLICE AND RECORD THE PHONE CALL FROM YOUR MOBILE PHONE WHEN YOU RING THEM OR FROM YOUR LANDLINE PROVIDER AS PROOF AND RECORD THE CONVERSATION EACH TIME WITH WHOM EVER YOU ARE REPORTING IT TO. i DID THIS.

The problem with services support and the police, is that they will only do something when something bad has happened, the law needs to step up further than for when it is too late.

Alienation into Adulthood: The Long-term Effects of Parental Alienation

Parental alienation syndrome first got its label back in 1985, when Dr. Richard Gardner first described distinctive behaviors in children that included extreme (unwarranted) fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent. That was 35 years ago, meaning they have had time to see and study the corrosive effects of this emotional abuse. What they found in adults who had parental alienation syndrome as children?

Six Effects

Dr. Lori Love, who holds a doctorate in philosophy (and so is not a medical doctor, to be clear), outlines six lifelong effects of parental alienation in her work, “Custody Evaluations 101: Allegations and Sensitivities.” She based her study on some 22 years of working with child custody issues, parenting mediation's, and collaborative divorce.

#1: Unhealthy entitlement to a sense of rage

The adults who grew from alienated children feel the world must allow their tantrums. As children, they were rewarded for being hostile and angry toward a parent, so that rage is standard operating procedure. They feel entitled to be angry and express it in immature, inappropriate ways whenever they like.

#2: Splitting

The adult who was abused into perceiving her or his own parent as entirely bad or evil has a hard time seeing other adults as nuanced. Splitting is the immediate bifurcation of people as either all good or all bad. No shades of gray exist: this situation is all black, and that situation is all white.

Splitting reduces others in the damaged adult’s social circle to cartoon cutouts, leading to difficulties coping. The adult survivor of parental alienation is on a track to borderline personality disorder.

#3: Difficulties forming and maintaining relationships

Adults who lived through parental alienation will face lifetimes of difficulties forming and keeping healthy relationships with every social tier:

• Work colleagues

• Classmates

• Daily helpers such as waitstaff, doormen, the newsstand operator, Uber driver, and others

• Followers of their religion

• Intimate partners

The rationale in the adult who was brainwashed into alienating one parent is that no other adults can be trusted. The mind says, “Get rid of them before they hurt you.”

#4: Inability to tolerate anger or hostility

Adults who were alienated children cannot handle other people’s anger, aggression, hostility, or sometimes even just mild displeasure. They interpret all those legitimate feelings in others as abuse towards them.

Adding to that damage is the inability to own their own behavior. If they feel panicky, angry, or upset, they excuse their own feelings and behaviors. They do not take responsibility or make amends.

#5: Long-term risk of being psychologically vulnerable or dependent

The child who was abused into alienating one parent by the other parent becomes dependent on that abusive parent. As an adult, the same person looks for someone else to provide control, stability, and direction. It is not healthy or mature, but it is a hallmark of the alienated child-turned-ad

#6: Conflict with authority figures

The alienated parent was an authority figure for the child before the other parent destroyed that relationship. The child learned to disrespect the parent and work around his authority (most cases of parental alienation are against the father and perpetrated by the mother). The adult continues these traits, with damaging effect, against bosses, law enforcement figures, medical professionals, and others typically viewed as authority figures in society.

Damage Undone

In the 35 years between identifying this form of emotional abuse and now, we have seen children alienated from their fathers who, as adults, never reconcile with their Dads. The emotional vacuum and loss is life-altering.

Even though my own children are grown, they still carry the deliberate poisoning of me as their mother as the one in the wrong, yet it was never me who was the abuser, it was never me who did this to their minds, it was never me who said I will make darn sure if I cannot have you then you won"t have anyone and never have your children... You will be able to read my story soon to be in my bog.

I may miss my children , however they are adult children now and still without even realizing the damage done from all the abuse I lived in that toxic dysfunctional relationship they call marriage and the way he used my children as a weapon to keep control of me after I booted him out.

My children are not even aware that they way they live is damaged from early childhood trauma and the toxic alienation deliberately done by the other parent.

What are the long-term effects of parental alienation on the child who has been alienated?

The results are devastating for the alienated child and can last a lifetime. Not only does the child miss out on a lifetime of having an enjoyable and fulfilling relationship with the parent they have been conditioned to reject, they also develop some serious pathological behaviors and attitudes that carry in to their adult lives. I see this in my Adult children even though I dont have anything to do with them, yet i have people i know who know them and tell me often what is going on.

Parental Alienation: Adult Children Still Choose the Abuser over the Loving Alienated Parent.

My Children choose him, my ex abusive dysfunctional EX Husband and still today they choose him and the same kind of people he surrounds himself with, "birds of a feather flock together" to be with, yet what is so sad they persevere this as normal, when they are just the next link in the chain of abuse handed down in the quantum field of generational silent abuse. And they just dont understand this or even know it.

He made darn sure that they can only rely on him and their abused mother, who was raped, beaten, financially deprived, mentally abused, was warping their impressible mind against me so that anything their mother said that my children has the lenses so as to make sure my children only see their mother through the false lenses manipulated into their minds. My ex is one good manipulator, but all drug addicts and abusers are. Still today 26 years later they believe their mother is the bad one and their father is the good one. He keeps them very close so as to keep the story going, this is how obsessed he is, in not being found out.

My Soar High workshop live on stage is to address this issue many parents face. this kind of abuse needs to stop also or these children carry that into their adult hood and hand it on to their children without even realizing their silent damage they carry as Adult children hurt raising their own children. 7 generations handed on and goes back, this needs to not be a norm anymore and accepted as, it is just the way it is.

This man sums up what i lived through , oh the games he played, well no more.

This man sums it up 100% he was a child that was alienated... https://youtu.be/8U54NF_mAck

ALL POISONED LIES BEEN ROLE MODELED IN THEM AS NORMAL. WHEN IT IS NOT.

SOAR HIGH IN YOUR LIFE

When it comes to YOU, one size dose not fit all, YOU are Uniquely YOU

No one has your finger prints, no one thinks, feels, walks, talks like YOU and no one has Your DNA. You must remain true to who YOU are without anyone's permission what so ever, this is YOUR life, not anyone else's life,

Rejoice in the Unique YOU....

You are a Light given to the world,

You must shine bright for all the world to see YOUR way

so YOU can SOAR HIGH in YOUR Life.

Unique YOU.

No one is the unique YOU, YOU are like no one else on this planet. Our differences are what makes YOU the special unique YOU, rejoice in you, be proud of who you are, never let anyone invade your mind to the point where you become too scared to do things your way. yes people will make fun of you, will criticize you, people will judge you, but that should never ever stop you from being the Unique YOU, #Unique, #YOU, is what makes you YOU.

“What sets you apart can sometimes feel like a burden and it's not. And a lot of the time, it's what makes you great.” — Emma Stone...

• Every single person is a unique puzzle composed of pieces of personality, life experiences, knowledge, and emotions, no one is the same, just like your fingerprints, the whole UNIQUE YOU.

• Every person has their own perspective and world view, largely fueled by the way they’ve experienced and navigated the world.

• Every single person is a unique puzzle composed of pieces of personality, life experiences, knowledge, and emotions, no one is the same, just like your fingerprints, the whole UNIQUE YOU.

• Every person has their own perspective and worldview, largely fueled by the way they’ve experienced and navigated the world.

Being different is beautiful because being a second-rate version of someone else is depriving your god-given uniqueness to shine bright. In our society, we feel we have a need to compare ourselves to other people's lives as if our own unique self is not blessed. It is constantly thinking of what others have and comparing it to what we wish we could have. How about being grateful for the Unique YOU in all the blessings you were given before your birth, when you were a star being created to shine brightly here on earth, with all your unique YOU. Stop trying to keep up with others and start to keep up with yourself so you can Soar High in your life in your unique beautiful way.

Don't you think that if you were really happy with who YOU are, right here and now, then don't you think you would be happy with everything that you have right now and rejoice in the experiences in your wonderful journey for Flight within your Light your unique beautiful way?

YOU are uniquely different, every person on the planet is, You are blessed with unique fingerprints, different writing styles, different DNA, different thinking, feelings, your character is different from anyone on earth and your personality, and it will always be this way, no amount of comparing yourself to others will change the Unique YOU, this will prevent your god given path from lighting the way so you can have Flight within your light.