Parental alienation syndrome first got its label back in 1985, when Dr. Richard Gardner first described distinctive behaviors in children that included extreme (unwarranted) fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent. That was 35 years ago, meaning they have had time to see and study the corrosive effects of this emotional abuse. What they found in adults who had parental alienation syndrome as children?

Six Effects

Dr. Lori Love, who holds a doctorate in philosophy (and so is not a medical doctor, to be clear), outlines six lifelong effects of parental alienation in her work, “Custody Evaluations 101: Allegations and Sensitivities.” She based her study on some 22 years of working with child custody issues, parenting mediation's, and collaborative divorce.

#1: Unhealthy entitlement to a sense of rage

The adults who grew from alienated children feel the world must allow their tantrums. As children, they were rewarded for being hostile and angry toward a parent, so that rage is standard operating procedure. They feel entitled to be angry and express it in immature, inappropriate ways whenever they like.

#2: Splitting

The adult who was abused into perceiving her or his own parent as entirely bad or evil has a hard time seeing other adults as nuanced. Splitting is the immediate bifurcation of people as either all good or all bad. No shades of gray exist: this situation is all black, and that situation is all white.

Splitting reduces others in the damaged adult’s social circle to cartoon cutouts, leading to difficulties coping. The adult survivor of parental alienation is on a track to borderline personality disorder.

#3: Difficulties forming and maintaining relationships

Adults who lived through parental alienation will face lifetimes of difficulties forming and keeping healthy relationships with every social tier:

  • Work colleagues

  • Classmates

  • Daily helpers such as waitstaff, doormen, the newsstand operator, Uber driver, and others

  • Followers of their religion

  • Intimate partners

The rationale in the adult who was brainwashed into alienating one parent is that no other adults can be trusted. The mind says, “Get rid of them before they hurt you.”

#4: Inability to tolerate anger or hostility

Adults who were alienated children cannot handle other people’s anger, aggression, hostility, or sometimes even just mild displeasure. They interpret all those legitimate feelings in others as abuse towards them.

Adding to that damage is the inability to own their own behavior. If they feel panicky, angry, or upset, they excuse their own feelings and behaviors. They do not take responsibility or make amends.

#5: Long-term risk of being psychologically vulnerable or dependent

The child who was abused into alienating one parent by the other parent becomes dependent on that abusive parent. As an adult, the same person looks for someone else to provide control, stability, and direction. It is not healthy or mature, but it is a hallmark of the alienated child-turned-ad

#6: Conflict with authority figures

The alienated parent was an authority figure for the child before the other parent destroyed that relationship. The child learned to disrespect the parent and work around his authority (most cases of parental alienation are against the father and perpetrated by the mother). The adult continues these traits, with damaging effect, against bosses, law enforcement figures, medical professionals, and others typically viewed as authority figures in society.

Damage Undone

In the 35 years between identifying this form of emotional abuse and now, we have seen children alienated from their fathers who, as adults, never reconcile with their Dads. The emotional vacuum and loss is life-altering.

Even though my own children are grown, they still carry the deliberate poisoning of me as their mother as the one in the wrong, yet it was never me who was the abuser, it was never me who did this to their minds, it was never me who said I will make darn sure if I cannot have you then you won"t have anyone and never have your children... You will be able to read my story soon to be in my bog.

I may miss my children , however they are adult children now and still without even realizing the damage done from all the abuse I lived in that toxic dysfunctional relationship they call marriage and the way he used my children as a weapon to keep control of me after I booted him out.

My children are not even aware that they way they live is damaged from early childhood trauma and the toxic alienation deliberately done by the other parent.

What are the long-term effects of parental alienation on the child who has been alienated?

The results are devastating for the alienated child and can last a lifetime. Not only does the child miss out on a lifetime of having an enjoyable and fulfilling relationship with the parent they have been conditioned to reject, they also develop some serious pathological behaviors and attitudes that carry in to their adult lives. I see this in my Adult children even though I dont have anything to do with them, yet i have people i know who know them and tell me often what is going on.

Parental Alienation: Adult Children Still Choose the Abuser over the Loving Alienated Parent.

My Children choose him, my ex abusive dysfunctional EX Husband and still today they choose him and the same kind of people he surrounds himself with, "birds of a feather flock together" to be with, yet what is so sad they persevere this as normal, when they are just the next link in the chain of abuse handed down in the quantum field of generational silent abuse. And they just dont understand this or even know it.

He made darn sure that they can only rely on him and their abused mother, who was raped, beaten, financially deprived, mentally abused, was warping their impressible mind against me so that anything their mother said that my children has the lenses so as to make sure my children only see their mother through the false lenses manipulated into their minds. My ex is one good manipulator, but all drug addicts and abusers are. Still today 26 years later they believe their mother is the bad one and their father is the good one. He keeps them very close so as to keep the story going, this is how obsessed he is, in not being found out.

My Soar High workshop live on stage is to address this issue many parents face. this kind of abuse needs to stop also or these children carry that into their adult hood and hand it on to their children without even realizing their silent damage they carry as Adult children hurt raising their own children. 7 generations handed on and goes back, this needs to not be a norm anymore and accepted as, it is just the way it is.

This man sums up what i lived through , oh the games he played, well no more.

This man sums it up 100% he was a child that was alienated...


Updated: Nov 23, 2021

When it comes to YOU, one size dose not fit all, YOU are Uniquely YOU

No one has your finger prints, no one thinks, feels, walks, talks like YOU and no one has Your DNA. You must remain true to who YOU are without anyone's permission what so ever, this is YOUR life, not anyone else's life,

Rejoice in the Unique YOU....

You are a Light given to the world,

You must shine bright for all the world to see YOUR way

so YOU can SOAR HIGH in YOUR Life.

Unique YOU.

No one is the unique YOU, YOU are like no one else on this planet. Our differences are what makes YOU the special unique YOU, rejoice in you, be proud of who you are, never let anyone invade your mind to the point where you become too scared to do things your way. yes people will make fun of you, will criticize you, people will judge you, but that should never ever stop you from being the Unique YOU, #Unique, #YOU, is what makes you YOU.

“What sets you apart can sometimes feel like a burden and it's not. And a lot of the time, it's what makes you great.” — Emma Stone...

  • Every single person is a unique puzzle composed of pieces of personality, life experiences, knowledge, and emotions, no one is the same, just like your fingerprints, the whole UNIQUE YOU.

  • Every person has their own perspective and world view, largely fueled by the way they’ve experienced and navigated the world.

  • Every single person is a unique puzzle composed of pieces of personality, life experiences, knowledge, and emotions, no one is the same, just like your fingerprints, the whole UNIQUE YOU.

  • Every person has their own perspective and worldview, largely fueled by the way they’ve experienced and navigated the world.

Being different is beautiful because being a second-rate version of someone else is depriving your god-given uniqueness to shine bright. In our society, we feel we have a need to compare ourselves to other people's lives as if our own unique self is not blessed. It is constantly thinking of what others have and comparing it to what we wish we could have. How about being grateful for the Unique YOU in all the blessings you were given before your birth, when you were a star being created to shine brightly here on earth, with all your unique YOU. Stop trying to keep up with others and start to keep up with yourself so you can Soar High in your life in your unique beautiful way.

Don't you think that if you were really happy with who YOU are, right here and now, then don't you think you would be happy with everything that you have right now and rejoice in the experiences in your wonderful journey for Flight within your Light your unique beautiful way?

YOU are uniquely different, every person on the planet is, You are blessed with unique fingerprints, different writing styles, different DNA, different thinking, feelings, your character is different from anyone on earth and your personality, and it will always be this way, no amount of comparing yourself to others will change the Unique YOU, this will prevent your god given path from lighting the way so you can have Flight within your light.

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Updated: Nov 23, 2021

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” — Marcus Aurelius

People will talk. They habitually have. And they always will. No matter what you do or say, how you behave, the way you walk or dress, how you act, or the decisions you make, will always be scrutinized by others. It’s the nature of the masses. Like the herd of lions swooping in for the kill, they prey on the weak, looking for those they can taunt and torment. And it harasses us. We allow other people’s opinions do not only to hurt us but oftentimes, to define us.

But it doesn’t matter what other people think of you. It doesn’t matter what other people say about you behind closed doors or even right in front of your face. Their opinions have no basis in defining what you’re all about. They aren’t the truth. They have no purpose other than to hurt or harm you. There is no rhyme or reason beyond making the other person feel superior to you in some way or another and the beauty of this kind of taunting opinion is these people who are like this are actually self-loathing and must try and make themselves feel superior when they actually are not, no decent human being hurts another person full stop.

Four reasons why their opinions just do not matter.

#1 — People will always find someone to talk about

The fact of the matter is that people will always find something or someone to talk about. They will always convey their opinions and cast out those whom they feel are weak, misfits or simply don’t “fit in” with others because they’re too fat, too skinny, too dark, too white, too religious, too fanatical, too smart, too dumb, or whatever have you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. People will always find someone to talk to.

#2 — Your self-worth isn’t defined by an approval rating

No matter what the naysayers and the purveyors of negativity around you might say, your self-worth isn’t defined by an approval rating. There’s no objective rating scale that allows another person to judge you. They don’t know what you’ve been through. They don’t know your story, your trials, your tribulations, or the path you’ve walked through the shadow of the valley of death. No, it simply doesn’t work that way.

However, too often, we do define our self-worth by an approval rating. We do allow what others say or think about us to influence how we feel about ourselves. The happiness barometer is often influenced by the he-said-she-said pipeline. That grapevine makes it to us in some way or another, whether electronically or verbally, and we feel the effects of that, similar to a ground-altering earthquake

Just learn to say, your perception of me is none of my business, I am me and I am happy with the way the creator created me to be, I won't define whom I was born to be based upon your opinion when the creator is and always will be higher than your opinion.

#3 — They don’t know your journey, where you’ve been, or where you’re heading

I recall a powerful story that I once heard about a man who was on a subway. He sat there on the subway, watching as a father was completely neglecting his three children. Two small boys and a little girl were simply out of control, and he was oblivious to the fact. He looked at the man in disdain. How could he ignore his children? How could he allow them to disrupt the subway ride for other passengers? Passengers who were too nice or to ambivalent to say anything.

Eventually, the man had stirred in his own thoughts enough. He came to the end of his proverbial rope. He had to say something. Gripped with anger, he approached the father, asking him why he wasn’t controlling his children. The man, looking back at him with a sorry face, apologized profusely. ‘I know. I’m sorry. I guess I should do something, shouldn’t I?’ he asked. He fell silent for a moment and looked out the window of the moving subway car, towards the blackness on the other side, his eyes glazing over.

After a pause, he told the man what had happened. His wife had just died of cancer. They were coming back from the hospital. He was wondering what he was going to tell his kids or how he was going to explain it to them that their mother was gone forever. A solitary tear fell down the side of his face as the other passengers looked on in sorrow. ‘I’m sorry,’ said the man to the father. ‘I had no idea.’

#4 — Trust your intuition and who you are deep down inside

One reason why you absolutely shouldn’t listen to the opinion of other people is that you should trust your intuition. You should trust who you are and why you’re doing the things that you’re doing. The most successful people in the world were ridiculed and shamed the most times for their dreams. How much do you think they were made fun of and scoffed at after failing over and over again?

The point is that you have to do what’s right for you, and not base that decision on what other people think about you or what you’re doing. Nobody is perfect. Nobody has the right to declare you unfit or unworthy of something just because of a flaw or because you’re different than others. As long as you’re doing the right things in this world with the right motivations, it doesn’t matter what other people’s opinions are of you.

Keep light of the fact that many before you were judged, and many after you will continue to be judged. It will likely always be this way. That’s the nature of a diverse society. We aren’t all the same. And considering that fact, you shouldn’t allow those opinions to affect you. At the end of the day, when we come to the end of this life, none of that will matter. What will matter will be our experiences and what value we brought to this world, not other people’s opinions of us.

Taking the High Road is always the better direction to take after all God placed us on earth to thrive not survive, we humans are meant to thrive. We were made to uplift others and make them feel good about themselves. Especially when they’re trying to do the right thing in life and help their families, and add value to the world. No matter what anyone else says or thinks about you, taking the high road is always a better choice. Turn the other cheek, even if they spite you on both sides of the face.

There’s this universal oneness that binds us all. We are all the product of the same original energy in the universe produced nearly 14 billion + years ago. Somehow, one way or another, we wound up in these human bodies, as conscious and aware beings. And that energy is important. That energy dictates the sway and direction of your life. When channeled properly, it can be an explosive power, one to create tremendous positivity in this world and in your life.

Be the unique you, shine bright with your unique fingerprints, your unique face and your unique whole being, no one in your unique way so love you and your opinions first over anyone else's opinions.

Learn how to Soar High in your own unique way at the Soar High Workshop, Register HERE

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