top of page

Christine perceived life as a bestowed challenge, even amid her hardships, for she understood that triumph always awaited on the far side of a tumultuous mind striving for clarity. In the eyes of Christine, the sense of belonging eluded her grasp, not because she yearned to conform to others' viewpoints on her identity, but because she aspired to be acknowledged for her genuine self.

Christine's journey began under unique circumstances. Born prematurely, she arrived into a world where her mother was already tending to two young children, struggling with the prospect of another addition. The prevailing energy was one of reluctance towards embracing yet another offspring—rejection seemed woven into the very fabric of those early days. Complications arose during Christine's mother's pregnancy, as toxemia struck, necessitating her hospitalization. The emotional strain was palpable, and her mother's thoughts bore the weight of rejecting the pregnancy mentally. The National Women's Hospital in Auckland, New Zealand, became the setting for a desperate attempt to save both Christine's mother and the unborn child. Through the ordeal, Christine's mother remained confined within the hospital walls, her stay extending until Christine's untimely birth.

Despite being born prematurely at six months, weighing a mere one pound ten ounces, Christine's entry into the world was a testimony to her resilience. Her father's initial reaction, fraught with uncertainty, painted a picture of a fragile existence. The rejection that had shadowed Christine's early conception extended to her first moments of life, an unfortunate theme that seemed to echo through her experiences.

Christine's outlook on life was shaped by these early challenges, fostering a spirit that saw strength in adversity. She strived not to fit the mold defined by others, but to stand as a testament to her own authenticity, transcending the cycle of rejection that had marked her life path.

Following her premature and delicate birth, Christine's journey took an unexpected turn as she spent nearly a year in the confines of the hospital. Born in a time when the marvels of modern incubators were nonexistent, she emerged as a lone survivor among her fellow premature infants—an astonishing feat her parents shared with her.

Amidst the challenges she faced, Christine clung to a singular perspective that would shape her life. She firmly believed that her presence in the world held a profound purpose—one that resonated deeply with her unique mindset. This mindset was a beacon of hope in a world often marred by desolation, rejection, and the anguish of abuse. Christine's mission was rooted in imparting to others the invaluable ability to nurture their inner strength, enabling them to soar independently within their own radiant light.

For Christine, giving individuals the means to cultivate their own wings of resilience and empowerment became a driving force. She championed the idea that everyone possessed the innate capability to rise above adversity and evolve into their true potential. She discarded the need for external validation or permission, emphasizing the liberation that could be found by embracing one's authentic self without hesitation.

Christine's journey is a testament to her unyielding spirit and her commitment to lighting the way for others. Through her remarkable narrative, she sought to inspire and guide those who encountered her story, encouraging them to harness their inner strength and rise above life's trials. In a world often shrouded in darkness, Christine's unique perspective and unwavering resolve stands as a guiding star, reminding others of their own capacity to find light and take flight on their own terms.

The authority to pass judgment upon you is not a privilege held by anyone, nor does anyone possess the entitlement to strip away your command over your true self. Yet, Christine's journey, spanning from her initial premature birth to her sixth year, was akin to dwelling within a secluded bubble, obscuring her understanding of life's occurrences.

Even in her tender years of four and five, Christine demonstrated a remarkable propensity for questioning everything, a trait that often landed her in hot water. Resisting the pressures of conformity, she steadfastly upheld her individuality. However, as she reached the age of six, her life took a tumultuous turn, marked by increased turmoil, rejection, and an unwarranted sense of blame and shame.

At that pivotal age, Christine found herself in the company of a family friend, Ernie, in Featherston, New Zealand—a place familiar from her siblings' visits. Ernie, an elderly gentleman, was a presence that, to a child's eyes, carried the weight of age. In her recollections, Christine recounted an instance where she was offered food by Ernie, and the following memory is a hazy blur. She awoke, disoriented and unclothed, on his bed, with him nearby. The image of her older sister standing at the door lingered before she departed. Beyond this point, Christine's memory fades into emptiness, unable to recall subsequent events, including her journey back home.

The blankness that envelops Christine's memories serves as a poignant testament to the disorienting and distressing nature of her experiences. The events surrounding that time remain elusive, encapsulated in a haze that persists to this day.

Subsequent to that pivotal encounter, Christine's conduct as a six-year-old took a regrettable turn, and she found herself shouldering the blame for her perceived misbehavior. Instead of delving into the underlying reasons behind her actions, her parents resorted to assigning fault. This pattern of attributing wrongdoing to Christine became more pronounced as she navigated her path.

In a disheartening twist, the response to her behavior led to her placement in a facility intended for children deemed unruly—a home for those considered "naughty." This outcome carried a heavy tinge of rejection, as once again, the prevailing approach was to distance her rather than seeking a deeper understanding of her struggles.

The disheartening narrative underscored a missed opportunity for her parents to explore the roots of her actions, to empathize with her challenges, and to offer guidance and support. Instead, the cycle of rejection persisted, leaving Christine grappling with a growing sense of isolation and misunderstanding. Her journey thus far was marked by a series of experiences where understanding, compassion, and communication were overshadowed by misplaced blame and rejection.

This sequence of events became the blueprint for Christine's development into adulthood, shaping her perception of herself and her interactions with the world. The trio of rejection, blame, and shame etched itself deeply into her psyche, acting as a magnet for individuals who mirrored the same patterns of abuse, rejection, and blame that she had encountered earlier. These individuals entered her life, perpetuating the cycle and subjecting her to a distressing cycle of mistreatment.

Despite a keen awareness that her life was mired in a web of dysfunction, Christine found herself in a paradoxical bind. The familiarity of this damaging existence and her history of powerlessness, stemming from both her childhood and her adult life, kept her bound to circumstances that she inherently knew were harmful on numerous levels.

Throughout her journey, Christine recognized the profound wrongness of her situation. Yet, as a child, breaking free was an unattainable aspiration, shackled by the lack of agency and resources. Even as an adult, the psychological imprints of her past experiences combined with her feelings of powerlessness served as formidable barriers, rendering escape from the cycle exceedingly complex.

In essence, Christine's narrative underscored the enduring impact of early experiences on one's adult life and the intricate interplay between learned behaviors and the struggle to overcome them. Her story exemplified the resilience and inner strength required to confront the chains of history and to seek liberation from a pattern that had woven itself into her very being.

Six steps to help handle rejection, abuse, and develop resilience while changing your mindset:

  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Begin by acknowledging the emotions that arise from past rejection and abuse. Recognize that these feelings are valid and natural responses to challenging experiences.

  2. Challenge Negative Self-Perception: Question the negative beliefs about yourself that might have stemmed from past experiences. Re frame these beliefs by recognizing your strengths and qualities.

  3. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend. Understand that you deserve kindness and understanding, even if your past experiences have suggested otherwise.

  4. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with people who exhibit abusive behavior. Learning to say "no" and protecting your well-being is crucial for your mental and emotional health.

  5. Cultivate Resilience: Practice resilience by focusing on personal growth, learning from challenges, and developing coping strategies. Embrace setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth.

  6. Shift Your Mindset: Transform your mindset by actively replacing self-limiting beliefs with empowering ones. Affirmations, visualization, and gratitude exercises can help you rewire your thinking.

Remember, this journey takes time, patience, and consistent effort. Healing from childhood programming and breaking the cycle of abuse and rejection requires dedication to your well-being and personal growth. Soar High Today Your Way.

14 views0 comments

The intricate web of human relationships often exposes us to complex and perplexing situations, including the painful reality of abuse. When adult children become abusive, it can be particularly challenging for parents to grapple with the emotions and responses that emerge. In some cases, parents of abusive adult children may resort to blaming the victims of their child's abuse. This article delves into the psychological, emotional, and societal factors that contribute to this phenomenon, aiming to shed light on the perplexing dynamics that surround it.

I. Denial and Protective Instincts

A. Cognitive Dissonance

Parents often have deeply ingrained images of their children as innocent and good-hearted individuals. When faced with evidence of abusive behavior, it can create cognitive dissonance – a psychological discomfort arising from holding conflicting beliefs. In an attempt to reconcile this dissonance, parents may unconsciously choose to disbelieve or downplay the allegations of abuse.

B. Protective Instincts.

Parents' natural instinct is to protect their children, and this instinct can sometimes be extended to protecting them from the consequences of their actions. Parents may fear that acknowledging their child's abusive behavior could lead to legal consequences, social ostracization, or a tarnished family reputation. As a result, they may instinctively defend their child, regardless of the harm caused to the victims.

II. Enabling and Dependency

A. Enabling Behavior.

Parents may inadvertently enable their adult children's abusive behavior by providing financial support, shelter, or emotional validation. This enabling behavior can create a dynamic where the abusive adult child feels entitled to continue their harmful actions without accountability. In such cases, parents may be reluctant to confront the abuse, fearing that it could lead to their own loss of control or dependency on them.

B. Fear of Abandonment.

Parents might fear that taking a stand against their abusive adult child will result in being cut off from their lives. The prospect of losing contact or being estranged from their child can be emotionally devastating. This fear of abandonment can lead parents to prioritize their relationship with their child over the well-being of the victims.

III. Societal Stigma and Familial Loyalty

A. Social Image.

Society often places a heavy emphasis on maintaining a positive image and familial reputation. Parents may be deeply concerned about how revelations of abuse within the family would reflect upon them. As a result, they may opt to blame the victims in an effort to preserve their own social standing.

B. Familial Loyalty.

The bonds of family loyalty and unconditional love can be powerful, influencing parents to protect and defend their adult children even in the face of harmful behavior. This loyalty, while rooted in a desire to maintain a united family, can inadvertently perpetuate cycles of abuse.

The phenomenon of parents blaming the victims of abuse at the hands of their adult children is a multifaceted issue influenced.

13 views0 comments

The human spirit is remarkably resilient, capable of weathering storms and emerging stronger than ever. The journey from victim-hood to survivor-hood is a testament to the indomitable will of individuals who refuse to be defined by the darkness of abuse. This article explores the profound transformation that occurs when survivors break free from the shackles of abuse, while shedding light on the insidious tactic of silencing victims, which perpetrators employ to maintain power and control.

The Power of Breaking Free

  • Surviving abuse is a harrowing experience that leaves scars both visible and hidden. However, beneath the weight of trauma lies an inherent strength that, when tapped into, can lead to liberation and healing. Breaking free from abuse is a courageous act that signifies the reclamation of one's identity, autonomy, and sense of self-worth.

  • Reclaiming Identity Abusers often seek to strip victims of their identity, manipulating them into a state of helplessness. Breaking free means embracing one's authentic self and refusing to be defined by the abuse suffered. This journey involves rediscovering passions, interests, and aspirations that were stifled by the abuser's control.

  • Rediscovering Autonomy Abuse thrives on power dynamics, with perpetrators aiming to exert dominance over their victims. The act of breaking free involves regaining control over one's life, decisions, and choices. It is a proclamation that the survivor is no longer subject to manipulation and coercion.

  • Cultivating Self-Worth Survivors often internalize the abuser's derogatory messages, leading to a diminished sense of self-worth. Breaking free involves recognizing one's inherent value and challenging the distorted narratives that perpetuate feelings of inadequacy. Through therapy, support networks, and self-care, survivors rebuild their self-esteem.

The Tactic of Silencing

  • Abusers deploy a range of tactics to maintain control over their victims, and one of the most insidious is silencing. By stifling victims' voices, abusers ensure their secrets remain hidden and their power remains unchallenged.

  • Control and Dominance Silencing victims reinforces the abuser's dominance, as it prevents victims from seeking help or revealing the truth about the abuse. By controlling the narrative, abusers perpetuate an environment of fear and subservience.

  • Psychological Manipulation Abusers employ psychological manipulation to silence victims, often convincing them that their experiences are inconsequential or that speaking out will have dire consequences. This manipulation is intended to break down victims' self-assurance and keep them trapped in a cycle of abuse.

  • Maintaining Social Image Abusers are often adept at projecting a charming and charismatic facade to the outside world. Silencing victims helps them maintain their public image, ensuring that their abusive behavior remains concealed behind closed doors.

Silence No More: Empowerment through Expression

  • Breaking the silence is a pivotal step on the journey to healing and empowerment. It is a declaration that the survivor refuses to carry the weight of the abuser's actions any longer and is determined to reclaim their voice and agency.

  • Healing through Expression Speaking out about abuse is a cathartic process that allows survivors to release the pent-up emotions and trauma that have been suppressed for so long. Sharing one's story can provide a sense of validation and connection with others who have endured similar experiences.

  • Shattering Isolation Abusers often isolate their victims, making them feel alone and unsupported. Breaking the silence fosters a sense of community and solidarity, as survivors realize they are not alone in their struggle. This collective strength can empower survivors to take legal action, seek therapy, and create networks of support.

  • Holding Abusers Accountable When survivors break their silence, they shine a light on the abuser's actions and hold them accountable for their behavior. This can lead to legal consequences, social repercussions, and a reduction in the abuser's power over their victim.

The journey from abuse to liberation is marked by immense courage, resilience, and the reclamation of one's voice. Breaking free from the suffocating grip of abuse is an act of empowerment that paves the way for healing, growth, and a renewed sense of self-worth. By understanding the abuser's tactic of silencing, survivors can dismantle the chains that have bound them and emerge as powerful advocates for change. Together, survivors and allies can amplify their voices, create a culture of empathy and support, and ensure that the message remains clear: Silence no more.

5 views0 comments
bottom of page