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Alienation into Adulthood: The Long-term Effects of Parental Alienation

Parental alienation syndrome first got its label back in 1985, when Dr. Richard Gardner first described distinctive behaviors in children that included extreme (unwarranted) fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent. That was 35 years ago, meaning they have had time to see and study the corrosive effects of this emotional abuse. What they found in adults who had parental alienation syndrome as children?

Six Effects

Dr. Lori Love, who holds a doctorate in philosophy (and so is not a medical doctor, to be clear), outlines six lifelong effects of parental alienation in her work, “Custody Evaluations 101: Allegations and Sensitivities.” She based her study on some 22 years of working with child custody issues, parenting mediation's, and collaborative divorce.

#1: Unhealthy entitlement to a sense of rage

The adults who grew from alienated children feel the world must allow their tantrums. As children, they were rewarded for being hostile and angry toward a parent, so that rage is standard operating procedure. They feel entitled to be angry and express it in immature, inappropriate ways whenever they like.

#2: Splitting

The adult who was abused into perceiving her or his own parent as entirely bad or evil has a hard time seeing other adults as nuanced. Splitting is the immediate bifurcation of people as either all good or all bad. No shades of gray exist: this situation is all black, and that situation is all white.

Splitting reduces others in the damaged adult’s social circle to cartoon cutouts, leading to difficulties coping. The adult survivor of parental alienation is on a track to borderline personality disorder.

#3: Difficulties forming and maintaining relationships

Adults who lived through parental alienation will face lifetimes of difficulties forming and keeping healthy relationships with every social tier:

  • Work colleagues

  • Classmates

  • Daily helpers such as waitstaff, doormen, the newsstand operator, Uber driver, and others

  • Followers of their religion

  • Intimate partners

The rationale in the adult who was brainwashed into alienating one parent is that no other adults can be trusted. The mind says, “Get rid of them before they hurt you.”

#4: Inability to tolerate anger or hostility

Adults who were alienated children cannot handle other people’s anger, aggression, hostility, or sometimes even just mild displeasure. They interpret all those legitimate feelings in others as abuse towards them.

Adding to that damage is the inability to own their own behavior. If they feel panicky, angry, or upset, they excuse their own feelings and behaviors. They do not take responsibility or make amends.

#5: Long-term risk of being psychologically vulnerable or dependent

The child who was abused into alienating one parent by the other parent becomes dependent on that abusive parent. As an adult, the same person looks for someone else to provide control, stability, and direction. It is not healthy or mature, but it is a hallmark of the alienated child-turned-ad

#6: Conflict with authority figures

The alienated parent was an authority figure for the child before the other parent destroyed that relationship. The child learned to disrespect the parent and work around his authority (most cases of parental alienation are against the father and perpetrated by the mother). The adult continues these traits, with damaging effect, against bosses, law enforcement figures, medical professionals, and others typically viewed as authority figures in society.

Damage Undone

In the 35 years between identifying this form of emotional abuse and now, we have seen children alienated from their fathers who, as adults, never reconcile with their Dads. The emotional vacuum and loss is life-altering.

Even though my own children are grown, they still carry the deliberate poisoning of me as their mother as the one in the wrong, yet it was never me who was the abuser, it was never me who did this to their minds, it was never me who said I will make darn sure if I cannot have you then you won"t have anyone and never have your children... You will be able to read my story soon to be in my bog.

I may miss my children , however they are adult children now and still without even realizing the damage done from all the abuse I lived in that toxic dysfunctional relationship they call marriage and the way he used my children as a weapon to keep control of me after I booted him out.

My children are not even aware that they way they live is damaged from early childhood trauma and the toxic alienation deliberately done by the other parent.

What are the long-term effects of parental alienation on the child who has been alienated?

The results are devastating for the alienated child and can last a lifetime. Not only does the child miss out on a lifetime of having an enjoyable and fulfilling relationship with the parent they have been conditioned to reject, they also develop some serious pathological behaviors and attitudes that carry in to their adult lives. I see this in my Adult children even though I dont have anything to do with them, yet i have people i know who know them and tell me often what is going on.

Parental Alienation: Adult Children Still Choose the Abuser over the Loving Alienated Parent.

My Children choose him, my ex abusive dysfunctional EX Husband and still today they choose him and the same kind of people he surrounds himself with, "birds of a feather flock together" to be with, yet what is so sad they persevere this as normal, when they are just the next link in the chain of abuse handed down in the quantum field of generational silent abuse. And they just dont understand this or even know it.

He made darn sure that they can only rely on him and their abused mother, who was raped, beaten, financially deprived, mentally abused, was warping their impressible mind against me so that anything their mother said that my children has the lenses so as to make sure my children only see their mother through the false lenses manipulated into their minds. My ex is one good manipulator, but all drug addicts and abusers are. Still today 26 years later they believe their mother is the bad one and their father is the good one. He keeps them very close so as to keep the story going, this is how obsessed he is, in not being found out.

My Soar High workshop live on stage is to address this issue many parents face. this kind of abuse needs to stop also or these children carry that into their adult hood and hand it on to their children without even realizing their silent damage they carry as Adult children hurt raising their own children. 7 generations handed on and goes back, this needs to not be a norm anymore and accepted as, it is just the way it is.

This man sums up what i lived through , oh the games he played, well no more.

This man sums it up 100% he was a child that was alienated...


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